My mornings basically consist of me talking myself out of quitting my job just because I'm tired

TIL Cortana no longer accepts "Shut up" as a command during setup :(

aesthetic: the deafening frequency of a nearby electrical device

idea: Dr Kawashima from the brain training DS game, but instead of telling you your brain age he tells you if you passed the vibe check

What a day! Can’t wait for bed.

narrator: it was 1pm

one of my favorite sensations is when you can feel the ocean nearby without seeing it

update: I'm blocking anyone who uses the phrase 'oh crud'

this is not meta and i'm definitely not subtooting anyone

I’d have thought that by now we’d have figured out how to make LEDs that shine somewhere tastefully between ‘invisible even in a pitch black room’ and ‘shines with the fire of a thousand suns’, but instead my hard drive feels the need to act as a navigational aid for maritime pilots up to 30km away

So my grandparents have this toaster that doesn’t pop when the toast inside is done - it waits until it’s GONE COLD.

If you want warm toast you gotta sit there and watch until the element turns off and then press the eject button yourself :welp:

I can’t feel my toes if I stand in the shade and I’m burning up in the sun. What’s the happy medium? Just stand with half of myself in each and do a 180 every 10 minutes :partyparrot:

Alternatively, I could just suck it up and put on some warmer clothes, but that would mess with the a e s t h e t i c

Wow cool I love having winter for exactly 24 hours ❄️ It really makes all the winter stuff that sits in my cupboard for 364 days a year feel worth it

Oh man, how good* is winter? I just love* when my second piece of toast is cold by the time I get to it.

Youth culture is feeling like if you don’t succeed by 24 someone’s gonna literally come kill you

It’s truly horrifying watching all of these tech companies scrambling to redefine privacy as “we take your data and don’t give it to anyone else” instead of “we don’t take your data in the first place” so it better fits their existing business models 🤔


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