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I've been on the birdsite about 9 years and had a mostly great experience. Then they killed 3rd party apps and without my beloved Tweetbot I just can't take their shitty native app. So here I am but I have to check back there regularly for my news/political fix. I met many fine people through that place. Hope I do here, too.

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I'm Lil. I'm in the outer east of Melbourne and have run my own business from home, in the medical field for 16 years (early adopter of online contracting). I'm mum to a 22yo son who is a thoroughly decent human being, even if I did make him myself! I've thankfully reached the age where I truly DGAF what others think of me. I wish I could bottle that understanding and give it to young people to save them years of unnecessary torment. Political, pun lover & a bit sweary. Hi!

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Separation update - been a while, you lucky things! 

My house is officially on the market. Ad on realestate.com.au and everything. Shit’s gotten real. He is not happy. The level of maturity includes him singing “fuck you” loudly and tunelessly around the house and in the shower after I asked him to sign some documents. I bounce between the couch and the bungalow to sleep. I’m exploring housesitting as an option & may also be able,to rent a friend’s place. Good to have options I guess. And on we go

Hello Tootsters! Been a while. Things still suck here and it’s been a miserable month but today the house is ready for its close up. Photographer coming at lunchtime, then it’ll be listed in a few days, then first OFI on 9 Feb. I’m totally over it. Overwhelmed and teary one day, fierce and focussed the next. A roller coaster I’d rather not ride yet here we are.
Hope you’re all doing well. Tell me your stuff 🙂

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hey kids doing “dope” is cool but you know what’s /really/ dope?? revolutionary socialism.

Separation. The saga continues. 

The place is mostly empty, echoey and I can’t find anything. Atmosphere is a bit tense, understandably I guess. Today a mortgage broker I know confirmed he found a lender in Tassie (yay!) willing to give me a long term loan as they are “a bit more sympathetic and flexible towards women in your situation” which is an awesome relief! I’ve been so worried and anxious. The repayments will be twice what I pay now but my expenses will be less so I should manage.

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Honestly tho I’m probably the most efficient anarchist. I arrive in the US and not 4 hours later the govt is shut down. And it hasn’t stopped since, and I’m not planning on leaving anytime soon.

Separation stuff. Ratcheting up. 

Truck day to move shit to storage place. 35c tipped. Two of his friends are coming to help and I am under (literal) instructions to STFU so as “not to embarrass” him (I’m not fit for purpose, remember). I said I shall be as demure and mute as a mail order bride. Shaping us to be the best Monday ever 🙄

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This is a follow on from my recent post about what I’m planning and hoping to achieve in 2019, in broad categories of Fitness, Weight and Food, and Creativity. I forgot one category, and it’s an important one: Acts of Kindness. The easiest thing for me (it ranks very highly on the Should-I-Do-It scale – 75 if I do a special trip, 100 if I do it while I’m in town anyway) is to donate plasma. I feel great after. I feel great for having done something for someone else. And it’s easy. It does take a bit longer than a standard blood donation around 90 minutes from walking in the door to walking back out, but it doesn’t leave you feeling depleted because you get all (or most) of your red blood cells back. Plasma donations are fascinating, too, because you’re hooked up to a machine that centrifuges out a bunch of yellow liquid from your body and returns a deep crimson stream of blood. The machines have names. If you have any questions about it, please ask below in the comments section. If you want to a donation-buddy for your first go, get in touch. I’ll try a few other acts of kindness this year, too, but will let them come and go as they please rather than forcing them. https://karloskar.org/?p=666

The usual stuff. Sorry. 

I’m feeling a bit teary today. It’s pretty overwhelming, all this. My lounge/dining area looks like this. I shouldn’t have to be starting all over again at my age.

A glimpse of life ahead for me 

This morning I looked at a unit just to get an idea of what’s out there. Briefly explained situation to agent and looked around. As I was leaving he said “well you’re a very nice looking lady, I’m sure you’ll find a partner”. *blink*
I bet he wouldn’t have said that to a guy.

Separation stuff (yes, it’ll be over eventually) 

We are now so good at this that we’re going to Bunnings together to get stuff to help get the house in order for sale. It’s a weird twilight zone I’m in but it’s better than the farcical “relationship” I was enduring.

Today I bought a Frida Kahlo print for a wall I don’t yet have. It was an impulse purchase but felt very right. I know I’m going to be ok.

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Goodnight nerds. Last day in New York tomorrow. I'm kinda ready to return but simultaneously still have so much stuff to check out

Separation shit (this won’t last forever I promise) 

It’s weird. We’ve sort of divided up the house in an odd way. I’m in the front bit, having dinner, glass of wine, and he’s down the back, in the bedroom, eating and watching Netflix, texting special friends or whatever he does. It’s quiet and a bit lonely but I need to get used to it for when I’m on my own in my own place. Overall thought I’m doing really well. Unlike lasy time when I went into a sot of shock for about 6 months.

Community, Melbourne 

I have a good friend who is a female police officer in Melbourne. A very fair and balanced young woman (30). Had a very interesting chat with her yesterday about her on-the-ground experiences and perceptions of the “African gang” “problem” in Melbourne. It was enlightening to say the least but I’m not sure how to articulate it without potentially being jumped on. Suffice it to say there are issues with the young of those communities but it’s not “gangs”.

More separation blitherings 

Within the boundaries I had to live in, our life was not too bad. We travelled a lot & visited lots of art galleries. Saw a lot of gigs/shows. We get on well in nearly everything. Except for his propensity to live as mentioned. I don’t want to live with him and continue the farce of “partner” but I don’t want to never see him again so I figure if you can’t beat ‘em, join ‘em! So why doesn’t this make him happy? Because he loses the “carer”, the anchor. That’s why.

Separation stuff 

He’s a secretive liar who conducts an entire life around me & fucks whoever he wants. I am kept separate from everything. A long-ago trauma makes him compartmentalise everything. He thinks this is fine. I’m no longer fine with it. So I told him that I’ll just be one of his women. No ties, no obligations, no expectations. We can see each other sometimes (if I’m not seeing anyone as I’m a freakish serial monogamist). And he’s not happy at all. Men. Who knows WTF what they want? 😂

42c tomorrow for tomorrow. Don’t think I’ll be leaving the house.

Separation stuff 

We got such a lot done today. Hard, dirty work in the garden, washing down doors frames, wiping walls and ceilings, painting window frames outside. Getting along so well it was sometimes hard to remember we’re separating! Still so much to do. Wish I had $$ to pay someone to do it all. Was a good way to start the year though.

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