After having your life revolve around one person for such a long time. I'm not sure who I am anymore. I need to find some new hobbies. New interests and, because I ditched them for her, new friends.

Vent 

Fate loves irony. I lied to her a lot. About the smallest stupid things that ultimately didn't matter too. Yet it was her lies to her friends about my existence in her life and her ego to preserve face that ended us. Too proud to tell her friends about our ongoing dysfunctional relationship that she'd rather bury, deny and leave than say "Hey no, we are and were together. It's messy.. but we are working on it"

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Vent 

I don't want or expect a reply from anyone here. I just can't do it on the bird site. I just want somewhere quiet to screen into the void.

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Vent 

I'm not sure where I am going now. What direction to take. I used to have one but with one turn of the head, one look away, now that's gone too.

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Vent 

I don't have many people around me. Not anymore. I isolated myself with her because I thought that that's what she wanted. Now without a word, we are strangers too. It's humiliating to be denied existence by the one person you thought was on your side. To be ignored in public to save face for a lie she once told. To have her friends not even know you live together. Ugh. Thanks to that lie, for her, it's too late to turn back now..

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Vent 

That's not love. I don't know what that is. It's trying to force something to work that just wont work and it's damaged both of us in the process.

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Vent 

Constantly being told you're a failure and that every aspect of your life is wrong hurts. Opening your life up to someone and having them systematically go through your darkest parts, and instead of embrace you, judge you and ridicule you for it. It breaks you down.

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Vent 

IRL, I used to have so many things I wanted to do. Places to go, things to see. Things changed. Of late, my life, day to day, had always been hovering at peak high anxiety. Desparatly trying to be this person for someone. Trying to meet their expectations and failing.

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Vent 

The last 2 to 3 years has physically aged me noticeably. Damaged me. I look in the mirror and I don't know who I am any more. I look older and sour. What happened to the joker? The fun? Social Media used to be a place of fun. I used to enjoy it.

When she gets caught in a lie that affects you but she is in too deep to turn back now...

Huge thanks to @aussocialadmin for recovering my original account when I thought all was lost in an unfortunate lapse of judgement. You're the true mySQLMVP. πŸ‘Œ

Aus.Social

Welcome to thundertoot! A Mastodon Instance for 'straya